Dirty Pick Up Lines
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Two rednecks are working on a farm. The field boss knows that he has to be very specific with his instructions to these fools, or they'll completely screw the operation up.
"Boys," he says, "before we get started today, I want you to take the mule down to the creek and make sure he gets a good drink of water. We're going to work hard and it's gonna be hot! So, don't come back until he's had plenty to drink!"
The morons nodded and repeated the boss' orders back to him, word for word. After the fourth time, he figured it was safe to assume that they knew what to do, and sent them on their way.
The only problem was, when they got to the stream, the jackass didn't want to drink. "Oh, man!" one of them moaned. "The boss is gonna be mad as hell if this mule comes back without drinking anything! What are we going to do?"
The other guy thought it over and said, "I've got an idea...but you ain't gonna like it. I'll sit on the donkey's head and hold it underwater. Then, you suck the water through the other end, like a straw!"
The first dummy frowned and said, "You're right. I don't like it! But, I can't think of a better plan, so, I guess we'll do it your way."
So, while the one idiot held the mule's ears and forced his head under, the other went around back and began sucking on it's asshole. A few seconds later, he was rewarded with a mouthful of shit.
"Yuck!" he said, spitting out the poo. "Pull his head up some. All I'm getting back here is mud!"
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