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  • Dirty Pickup Lines
    Back to: Dirty Jokes

    Were you conceived on a sofa? Cause you are sofacking fine.

    Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass!

    You run track?, cause I heard you relay want this dick.

    You can call me "The Fireman"....mainly because I turn the hoes on!

    Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a weiner stand.

    Hello, I'm bisexual. I'd like to BUY you a drink...and then get sexual

    I'm a zombie, can I eat you out?

    I’m a businessman. I work in orifices, got any openings?

    "Wanna go on an ate with me? I'll give you the D later."

    Hey do you have an inhaler? Cause you got that ass ma!

    They’re called "eyebrows" cus my eyes are browsin your fine ass

    "If you were a washing machine, I would put my dirty load inside you."

    I heard your grades are bad.....I'm sure this D won't hurt.

    Are u a flight attendant? Coz u gonna be plane wth this dick soon.

    Girl I am hung like a jury, So you know I'll get you off

    I just quit smoking. Wanna be my new oral fixation?

    I lost my pants, do you mind if I wrap your legs around me instead?

    If you were an elevator, what button would I have to push to get you to go down?

    Have you ever stuck a hot dog through a donut? Do you want to?

    I like my women, like I like my ice cream, fat free and dripping down my fingers

    Are you a great white shark, cause you look like you wanna swallow me whole.

    I heard you like Magic, well bend over and watch my dick disappear

    Do you like Adele? Cause I can tell you wanna be rolling in the D.

    Well spread my cheeks and call me ‘cell bitch;’ you’re prettier than anyone I ever met in the joint!

    Do you like to draw? (yeah why?) Cause I put the D in Raw

    Has any one ever told you your ass looks like a phone cause I want to hit the pound button all day long.

    I know you haven't been studying, You must want the "D"

    Do you like tapes and CDs? (I guess) Good, 'cause Imma tape this dick to your forehead so you CDs nuts

    Are you going to that funeral? (What Funeral) The one where MY BALLZ drop dead in your mouth

    I'm not a dick in real life, but I'll play one in your vagina tonight!

    Your legs are like bread, I want spread them and fill them with my butter.

    Looks don't matter, I'll just wrap you in a flag and fuck you for glory.

    Hey, is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd sure love to tap THAT ass!

    I'm not skinny, I'm ribbed for your her pleasure

    Roses are Red, Violets are blue, give me some head while I'm taking a poo.

    I'd hide every chair in the world just so you'd have to sit on my face.

    Are you a raisin? cuz your a raisin my dick.

    Are you a bad girl, cause I'd discipline the fuck out of you

    Wanna play Tic-Tac-Toe?, I'll shove a tic tac up your pussy and try to give you 3 O's in a row.

    They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

    I forgot my blow job at your house, can i come over and get it?

    Do you like Imagine Dragons? Well Imagine Dragon my balls across your face.

    What if I start this relationship with you as a frien. Will you allow me to give you the 'D' later?

    This Dick a rental car company.....It Hertz

    We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I'll poke you.

    Are you a termite? Cause you're about to have a mouth full of wood.

    I'm like a celebrity going to a party, I always make a big entrance and I never cum early.

    I'm going to make you breakfast...Omellete you suck this dick.

    They say the early bird catches the worm, but girl you can show up at any time and still get a bite.

    Girl, your eyes are bluer than Heisenberg's crystal!

    I call my dick Notorious, cause it's B.I.G.

    Do you like Alphabet soup...Cause you gonna be choking on the D

    I'm no rooster, but watch what this cock-a-do-to-you

    I have a sausage and it's hot. Mind if put it in your biscuit?

    I hope you have a sewing machine, cause im gonna tear dat ass up

    Is your name Autumn, cause I'd fuck you so hard all your leaves will fall off.

    Hey baby, I'm kind of cold, Can I use your thighs as earmuffs?

    I'll beat that ass like a drum, and leave you swimming in cum.

    Are you an Xbox 360 cause I'll fuck you til you got 3 red rings.

    I might not be 8 inches but this banana is still worth peeling.

    You might not be a Bulls fan.. But I know you felt it when this D Rose.

    Yeah. I'm an asshole, but will that stop me from getting in yours?

    Hey! tell your nipples to stop staring at my eyes.

    Gurl, you make me wanna dive in the sea..... dat pus-sea.

    My penis is like a dictonary want me to blow your mind?

    My dick is like catnip, it'll make a cougar like you go wild.

    I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back. Nice Ass!

    Do you like chocolate, cause your gonna choke alot on this dick

    How about you get on your knees and smile like a donut!

    Do you like warm weather? Cause I'm gonna put my warm balls on your face weather you like it or not

    You Need Directions?...Well First you gotta take this D-tour.

    Lets play can be the door so I can slam you all I want!

    The word for tonight is “legs.” Let's go back to my place and spread the word?

    Do you like Jalapenos?...Because in a minute imma be jalapeno pussy.

    Are you a Jehovah's Witness? Cause I'm about to bend Jehovah and let you witness this dick.

    I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock!

    First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button.

    My guitar teacher says my fingering is good, especially on the G-string

    "Do you have a composition notebook? Cause you can come position yourself on my face."

    Are you a cowgirl cause I can see you riding me

    My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?

    Do you cum here, often?

    Wanna do something that rhymes with truck?

    My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?

    Is PussyLips one word? Cause I'm gonna spread them tonight

    Are you spaghetti cause I want you to meat my balls.

    I like those curves do you want to find the derivative of my cock?

    I call my dick the truth because bitches can't handle it

    Let's play breathalyzer! You blow me as hard as you can, and I will tell you how drunk you are!

    Do you like yoga? Cause yoganna love this dick

    Are you a Justin Bieber fan? Cuz by the end of the night I'll have you screaming "Baby, Baby, Baby, ooooooo"

    I like being able to breathe but I wouldn't mind having that ass-thma

    I'm studying to be a Taxidermist. Can I practice stuffing your pussy?

    Is your dad a carnie (carnival worker) Because I want you sit to on my face while I try to guess your weight.

    Baby it seems like your grades just got worst.
    She says, why do you say that?
    Cause right after I give you this D you will end up with an F at the end of the semester.

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