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  • Relationship
     You Aren't Going Anywhere

    Joke info
    Date: 2003-03-23
    By: thedirty

    Rating: 
     3.1 out of 5 (110 votes)
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  • Posted By?:
    4Q2

  • The Joke:
    It's 3am, and a man is driving his brand new BMW M3 down the N1 at 240km/h. He's two minutes away from home when he sees a car on the side of the road, on its roof with flames all around.

    There' s no one else in the area, his cell phone reception is dead, and so he stops his car. Sure enough, there's a beautiful woman in the car, but she's bleeding to death.

    The guy reckons " screw it" and rushes to fetch a blanket from the car. He wraps the woman in the blanket and puts her on the back seat of his M3. He then rushes her to the hospital.

    For six months she lies in the hospital, and he is with her every day and every night. He donates his blood to keep her alive. Eventually, she recovers fully, and they get married.

    Life is cool for a few years, until one day she gets fed up and decides to leave him. His love of money is obvious, and she feels like a trophy wife. She comes down the stairs, struggling with her two suitcases, and reaches into her pocket for the keys to the Jaguar.

    Sure enough, he stops her before she reaches the door and asks, "What are you doing?"

    "I'm leaving you," she says.

    "Oh really, and how are you going to leave? The keys in your hand are for the Jaguar I paid for. It's my car. You are not taking it anywhere."

    "Fine," she says, and throws the keys at him.

    "And those bulging suitcases? The clothes you're wearing? Everything, I've paid for. They are my suitcases and my clothes. You're not taking them anywhere"

    "Fine," she says, and throws the suitcases at him. She strips down completely and throws her clothes at him too.

    "And the blood in your body? I sat with you for six months in the hospital. You know half of the blood is mine. You're not going anywhere."

    She looks at him, whips out her tampon and, throwing it at him says, "I'll pay you back in monthly installments, here's the first."

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