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"" JOKE - Sunday, November 9th 2008, 02:50pm:
Category: Blonde Jokes
Blonde Q's and A's
Q: How do blonde braincells die ? A: Alone.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A BLONDE BUSY ALL DAY? A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q: HOW DID THE BLONDE DIE ICE FISHING? A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant? A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you? A: "Is it mine?"
Q: How do you get a blonde off of your knees? A: Come.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor? A: By the ears.
Q: How do you know a blond likes you? A: She screws you two nights in a row.
Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity? A: Her crayons are still sticky.
Q: How does a blonde moonwalk? A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
Q: WHY IS A BLONDE LIKE AUSTRALIA? A: They're both down under, and no one cares.
Q: WHY DOES A BLONDE LIKE THE NUMBER 77? A: She likes to be 8 (ate) more.
Q: WHY DON`T BLONDES LIKE ANAL SEX? A: They don`t like their brains being screwed with.
Q: WHY CAN`T BLONDES WATER-SKI? A: When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.
Q: WHY ARE BLONDES LIKE PIANOS? A: When they aren't upright, they're grand.
Q: WHY ARE BLONDES SO EASY TO GET INTO BED? A: Who cares?
Q: Why can't blondes count to 70? A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
Q: How is a blonde like peanut-butter? A: They spread for the bread.
Q: What do you call a blonde on a waterbed? A: Cherry Float
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A BLONDE THROWS A PIN AT YOU? A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE GOLFER WITH AN IQ OF 125? A: a foursome.
Q: WHAT DO YOU GIVE THE BLONDE WHO HAS EVERYTHING? A: Penicillin.
Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law? A: An air bag.
Q: What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity? A: B.J.
Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped? A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs? A: To avoid the draft.
Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room? A: They have to pull their own pants down.
Q: Why do blondes wear panties? A: To keep their ankles warm.
Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee? A: It's too hard to re-train them.
Q: What do blondes do for foreplay? A: Remove their underwear.
Q: What do blonde virgins eat? A: Baby food.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: What's the mating call of the brunette? A1: "All the blondes have gone home!" A2: Has that blonde gone yet? A3: When is that blond bitch going to leave!?
Q: What's the mating call of the redhead? A: "Next!"
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: WHAT IS BLONDE AND GREEN AND JUMPS FROM BED TO BED? A: A prostitoad.
Q: WHAT IS 68 TO A BLONDE? A: Where she goes down on you and you owe her one.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen oranged juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE BAKE A CHICKEN FOR 3 AND A HALF DAYS? A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE PUT HER FINGER OVER THE NAIL WHEN SHE WAS HAMMERING? A: The noise gave her a headache.
Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE HAVE BLISTERS ON HER LIPS? A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ELVIS AND SMART BLONDES? A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BLONDES AND TRAFFIC SIGNS? A: Some traffic signs say stop.
Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A LIGHTBULB? A: The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.
Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A BITCH? A: A blonde will fuck anyone, a bitch will fuck anyone but you.
Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A SHOPPING CART? A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CORN FARMER WITH EPILEPSY AND A BLONDE WITH DIARRHEA? A: One shucks between fits.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus? A: One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick? A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde? A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet? A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth? A1: You need a quarter to use the phone. A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How do you plant dope? A: Bury a blonde.
Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses? A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her.
Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ? A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)
Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex? A: She opens the car door.
Q: How does a blonde get pregnant? A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
Q: How does a blonde part their hair? A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart) A2: By doing the splits.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A1: She drops her nail-file! A2: Who cares? A3: She says, "Next". A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder. A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes. A6: I mean, who really cares? A7: The batteries have run out.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: How does a blonde like her eggs? A: Unfertilized.
Q: How do you drown a blond? A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. A2: Don't tell her to swallow. A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping? A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
Q: How does a blonde high-5? A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? A: Flattered.
Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS? A: A know-it-all bitch.
Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde? A: One's a phony buck.
Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician? A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have? A: One that never misses a period.
Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is? A: An Italian suppository.
Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life? A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q: WHAT CAN SAVE A DYING BLONDE? A: Hair transplants.
Q: WHAT DID THE BLOND SAY WHEN SHE WOKE UP UNDER THE COW? A: What are you guys still doing here?
Q: WHAT ARE THE WORST SIX YEARS IN A BLONDE'S LIFE? A: Third Grade.
Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE SAY ABOUT BLONDE JOKES? A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE THINK OF THE NEW COMPUTER? A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard the British were coming? A: She stopped sucking.
Q: What did the blonde say when she was showed her newborn baby in the delivery room? A: I'm not going to suck anything *that* small.
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: What does a blond say during a porno? A: There I am!!
Q: Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands? A: Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place.
Q: What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o? A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do. A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.
Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses? A: She was having sunny periods.
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant? A: Her feet!
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose? A: When she farts, her knees bag.
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist? A: Marriage.
Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan? A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9? A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ? A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !
Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde? A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID? A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress? A: To keep her ankles warm.
Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day? A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.
Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? A: Way to go team!
Rating: 3.3 out of 5 (33 votes)
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